Better late than never

A couple months ago I saw this meme all over the place, and I always did it in my head but that was it. Now I'm sitting at work with three periodicals to keep me busy for the next seven hours. So I think I'll do this now. These are all pretty much the worst names ever:

1. Rock Star Name (first pet, current car): Jingles Corolla (or Jingles Co'olla)

2. Gangsta Name (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe): Blue Ribbon Chocolate Cake Cute

3. Native American Name (favorite color, favorite animal): Pink Cat

4. Soap Opera Name (middle name, city where you were born): Ann Lake Arrowhead

5. Star Wars Name (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 of your first name): Chrju

6. Superhero Name (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Red Water

7. NASCAR Name (the first names of your grandfathers): Jay Doug

8. Stripper Name (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy): Aqva Pour Homme 3 Musketeers (oy!)

10. TV Weather Anchor Name (your 5th grade teacher's last name, a major city that starts with the same letter): Fredericks Fresno

11. Spy Name (your favorite season/holiday, flower): Spring Morning Glory? Halloween Snapdragon?

12. Cartoon Name (favorite fruit, article of clothing you're wearing right now): Peach Hoodie

13. Hippie Name (what you ate for breakfast, favorite tree): English Muffin Weeping Willow

Seriously, those are the worst names ever! Red Water???

I can't help myself

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Bella Goes Grocery Shopping, Chapter 3

Before you read this, the final chapter, I just would like to say that it is supposed to be silly and poke fun at Stephenie Meyer. I didn't write it because of my all-consuming love for Twilight or whatever. I was just bored and feeling clever. Just to clarify.

Chapter Three: INTENSE

"Thanks, Jacob!" I said brightly, setting the last bag on the seat with relief. The plastic straps of the bag had been rubbing into my hand and left angry red marks. It was as though even the bag was mocking my weak human state.

Jacob didn't notice how the thought panged me, reminding me of Edward and the inequality of both our love and our species. Instead he just looked at me with his black eyes, a smile still on his face. He could smile; he wasn't separated from a vital piece of himself, waiting for that piece to finish eating a bison.

I stood with Jacob at the end of the truck as he was turning to go. There was a sudden roaring sound as an old truck sped around the corner near us. It was heading straight for one of the large, perpetual puddles of rainwater in the parking lot.

Without warning I was swept up, off my feet and into the air. I shut my eyes in fright automatically, but I knew, without opening them, who had picked me up. I could feel his hard, cold arms holding me, and when I opened my eyes I saw his beautiful stony face. His burning, liquid-gold eyes stared into mine for only a moment before he set me down on my feet gently and he turned to Jacob.

"What were you thinking, dog?" he said angrily.

"I was going to save her," Jacob replied, looking defensive. "You just beat me to the punch is all, leech."

"Save me?" I asked. I'd been so distracted by Edward's appearance it took a moment for me to realize what was happening. "What are you talking about, Edward?"

"Didn't you see that truck?" he asked, swiveling to face me. He looked me over for a minute, as if checking for injuries. "The puddles...you would have been drenched. You could have caught a chill, developed pneumonia and died, Bella. Do you understand me? Died." He smoothed my hair with one hand. "You're fragile, my love."

"Oh come on!" Jacob protested. "I was going to block the water. She would have been fine. I had it all under control, bloodsucker."

"Don't argue with me about this, mutt!" Edward turned back to Jacob, his soothing tone gone. "You don't appreciate how delicate humans are, how delicate Bella is. I never should have left her.... This is the last time you'll put her at risk, hound."

Jacob scoffed. "I'm the one who was here to help her with the groceries. And I'll be here to help her next week too, mosquito." He gave me a last look and smile and turned away, hot dogs in hand.

As soon as Jacob had pulled out of the parking lot, Edward wrapped me in a tight hug, saying in a low voice, "What was I thinking? How could I leave you so defenseless?"

I was filled with a sudden irritation. I wasn't so fragile. I never caught colds. If getting wet made me sick, I would have colds every other day in Forks. Why did he think I was so defenseless? "Edward," I said crossly, "it's just water. You didn't have to come back and save me from splashing water."

"Poor Bella," he said, giving me a sad smile. "You just don't appreciate how fragile the human body is. One day, you'll understand."

With those words, my anger melted away like a fine mist of steam coming off asphalt streets. I sighed contentedly and thought of how soon I would be asleep and he would be there, watching me sleep.

Looking into his honey-colored eyes, I said, "Let's go home."

Something...Tantalizing

As some of you know, I recently finished a book called Tantalize by Cynthia Leitich Smith. I read it because even after the failed endeavor that was Vampire Academy I still wanted to test the Twilight-knockoff waters. I just can't be satisfied knowing there are a bunch of super awful vampire books out there, I have to read them. One of them.

Anyway, so I found this book while I was shelving and did some more research on the handy dandy Internet. It look promising! The author was know for her realistic fiction, the premise sounded interesting-ish, and it wasn't part of a series. Yeah, the cover is dumb and completely uninformative, but I was willing to overlook that. After all, there was a hunky half-werewolf love interest involved.

Spoilers ahead. I don't think you'll care.

So yeah...this book was kind of weird. The basic idea is that the main character, Quincie, is renovating her dead parent's restaurant along with her uncle to give it a vampire theme. After their chef is murdered, Quincie has to find a new chef. She's also trying to get her werewolf hybrid best buddy to make out with her. So...in the end she's turned into a vampire by the chef, who is a vampire (as is her uncle, but his girlfriend is a Cat...a werecat) and he makes a lot of the restaurant guest vampires too by feeding them baby squirrels (in a honey cream sauce!). Oh, did I mention that the hunky werewolf hybrid (Kieren) is hardly in this book? In the end he has to leave to be with his wolf pack, and Quincie has to suck his blood to save his life from the chef.

The book takes place in Austin, Texas, but apparently there are were- animals all over the place. And not just cool animals, mind you! Oh no, Kieren/Hunky Werewolf Hybrid's best friends are a "werearmadillo" and a "werepossum." You never get any sense of the scope here though. You just have to infer everything, and that makes me crazy.

OK, almost done. This book also has details of the most random things. My favorite is how Quincie wears a dark blue lace dress. With "a beige thong." This thong is mentioned throughout the rest of the book. We are told repeatedly that it is "still in place."

To sum up, my favorite sentence.

"[Kieren] even knew when I started my period, and not just because he could smell it."

Tagged! Joy!

I love getting tagged for lists! Lists are my favorite and my best.


8 TV Shows I love to watch:

1. The Office
   
2. Seinfeld
   
3. Project Runway
   
4. Battlestar Galactica
   
5. Firefly
   
6. What Not to Wear
   
7. ANTM
   
8. --insert another show here--
   

8 Favorite Restaurants:

1. Panera/St. Louis Bread Company
   
2. Bajio
   
3. Cafe Rio
4. Olive Garden
   
5. Imo's Pizza
   
6. Los Hermanos (seafood enchilada anyone??)
   
7. Taco Bell
   
8. Panda Express
   

8 Things That Happened Yesterday:

1. I started reading The Golden Compass
   
2. I wore my new dress to church
   
3. I watched The Moonstone
   
4. I made Ferskner laugh really hard by saying "But is he sparkly when there is a light without?"
   
5. I webcammed with D-Rew because umm...it's what I do
   
6. I watched that part in Phantom in the hallway
   
7. I ate apples and caramel
   
8. I made copies
   

8 Things I'm Looking Forward To:

1. Halloween!
2. The weekend
   
3. November 6th!
   
4. November 7th!
5. November 8th!
   
6. Novemeber 9th!
   
7. Seeing Twilight and being greatly amused
   
8. Going running tomorrow
   

8 Things On My WishList:

1. North & South (Gaskell, not Swayze)
   
2. A trip to Disneyland
   
3. Another season of Firefly
   
4. Those earrings I saw at Target
   
5. The Right Shirt
   
6. The mutant power of my choosing
   
7. About twelve hours of sleep
   
8. A poppyseed muffin
   

8 People I'm tagging:

1. Ferskner
2. Marcue
   
3. La Dolcezza
   
4. Beh
   
5. D-Rew (Again! Not really)
   
6. Shelley
   
7. Sheng
   
8. Reg
   

Noooooo!

Forget Madonna and Guy Ritchie!

http://www.imdb.com/news/ni0584777/

*is crushed*

Bella Goes Grocery Shopping, Chapter 2

Chapter Two: TEDIOUS

Fifteen minutes later I was pushing the shiny metal cart down the bread aisle. Wheat, whole wheat, butter-top, potato...what did it matter? Wasn't all bread really the same? I sighed heavily and thought of Edward as I picked up a loaf of honey wheat. Honey. The color of his eyes. I stared at that loaf of bread for a long moment, trying to see his face in the cheap plastic bag. If I squinted and turned my head just right I could almost imagine his face.

I sighed heavily and tossed the bread into the basket. I continued down the aisle in search of oatmeal, and glanced up at the florescent lights, thinking of how superhumanly attractive Edward always looked beneath them.

I stood in front of all the oatmeal varieties. Did Charlie like apple cinnamon or was it peaches and cream? It was hard to remember facts not related to Edward. In the end I picked bananas and cream. Surely Charlie liked bananas since he had painted my room yellow all those years ago.

The work of grocery shopping alone was torture. Finally, next to the spaghetti-o's I almost fell to my knees and sobbed as my loneliness threatened to engulf me in sorrow. I gripped the red plastic handlebar of the cart, willing myself to stay conscious. Soon I would be with Edward again, soon I would bask in his glorious beauty and stroke his perfect hair--

Suddenly I heard a voice behind me say my name. It wasn't the voice I longed to hear but I looked up anyway. "Are you okay?" I looked up to see Jacob--tall, strong, masculine Jacob with his shiny black hair and russet skin.

Everything fell apart when I saw him, and I nearly threw myself at him in relief. "Jake!" I whispered hoarsely as I clung to him. "I can't believe you're here, just when I needed someone!"

"Woah, Bells," he said, sounding surprised. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, Jacob," I sniffed. "I was shopping and I...I just...I couldn't deal with it. Edward is--is--" I caught Jacob's hopeful expression and said, "He's not here!"

"Jerk," he said scathingly. "He should know better than to leave you on your own. I'm glad I needed some more hot dogs."

I hugged him tightly, appreciating his muscular shoulders as I did so--in a purely friend kind of way, of course, since Jacob and I would never be more than that. Still, I told myself, I would be a poor friend indeed if I couldn't appreciate his good build.

I took several deep breaths and tried to collect myself. "Will you help me finish the shopping, Jake?" I asked tentatively. "I just...I don't think I could do it alone. Not tonight."

"Sure, sure," he said, throwing a pack of hot dogs into the basket. Suddenly everything was all right. I had Jacob--my Jacob--to help me through the rest of the grocery shopping. We spent the next hour laughing about cow tongues, store-brand cereal and a display of Butterfingers. Before I knew it, the groceries were loaded into the truck.

Bella Goes Grocery Shopping

Last Tuesday I found myself stuck in a crowded computer lab. I felt kind of bad being on Facebook when there were people wandering around looking for open computers. So in an effort to at least look like I was doing something academic, I opened Word and started writing. And what did I write? A Twilight story! I'm posting it in three parts, just because the whole thing would be a big old post. So, for your enjoyment, here is my story, which takes place in a kind of grey area of between New Moon and Eclipse. I guess? I don't know.

Chapter One: VICTUALS

It was a gray, drizzling day in Forks, Washington. Or to put it another way, it was a normal day in Forks, Washington. I automatically pulled the hood on my rain jacket up as I started across the parking lot to the rusted metal monster that was my truck. It was Tuesday, and that meant it was grocery shopping day. For two people, Charlie and I seemed to eat a lot of food--I only had to go grocery shopping every other week when I lived in Phoenix.

As I was putting my hand in my pocket to fish out my car keys I realized Edward had already unlocked the door and was holding it open for me. Was I ever going to get used to his amazing superhuman speed? I spent a moment thinking of how his bronze hair would look so windswept when he moved so quickly. One day, after he made me a vampire, I would be able to see it for myself and I knew that it would be more incredible than anything my weak human imagination could dream of.

"Your door, m'lady," he said chivalrously as he held the door open. There was a faint smile on his perfect marble lips and a light in his topaz--wait, his eyes were coal black today. How did I not notice sooner? Hadn't I spent all of lunch staring into them, losing myself in their depths? I had barely even noticed the taste of my chocolate cherry cheesecake. I remember thinking that I may as well have been eating dirt for how much I noticed.

"Edward!" No matter how many times I said his name, it was still like verbal magic. "Are you coming to the store with me?"

"Sadly no," he said, attempting to pull a face. It didn't work--how could it work on a face with his perfection? "I'm going hunting with Jasper. He wants something exotic today so we're going to find some buffalo in Montana." It was my turn to pull a face. "I'm sorry, my love. But if I don't eat soon, I may eat Charlie. I think we would both regret that later."

"But if it meant you could stay closer to Forks tonight..."

He shoook his head nobly and flashed one of my favorite crooked smiles, showing off his gleaming white teeth. It was amazing how his teeth could look so white, even next to the snowy whiteness of his skin. I could tell he was trying to be more optimistic for my sake as he said, "It's better this way. You take care of Charlie, and I'll be back tonight."

Taking a small section of my boring hair on his stunning hand, he twisted it around his finger lightly. It was a perfect metaphor for our relationship--he, the dazzling, beautiful one with my breakable, boring self wrapped around his little finger. If only I could be a vampire today, then we could both be beautiful and I could rid myself of my weak human body.

My expression must have turned slightly more crestfallen because he gave me another crooked smile and said soothingly, "I'll be back before you can miss me."

We both knew that was false. But he was gone before I could reach out and grab him. How was I going to face the grocery store alone? RiteAid would seem just as boring and drab as me without him walking down the paper goods aisle. Still, Charlie and I had to eat, and even if I didn't care if I ate dirt, Charlie did. So I climbed into my faithful truck and headed for the store.

Tagged!

I know, I know, I can hear you now. Another list of random facts about myself? But you know...this one is different and plus, I was tagged so I *have* to do it. Technically you don't *have* to read it but you'll be glad you did! Also, I tag any of you who haven't done this yet--which is most of you--and I double tag Ferskner to give her extra motivation.

i am - working at the library.

i think - too much about little things.

i want - a rabbit named Pancakes.

i have - more posters featuring Orlando Bloom than anyone needs.

i wish - my ankles were thinner.

i hate - those goofy gift books that are just cozy pictures and sappy quotes.

i miss - people.

i fear - nighttime intruders and having no bat to beat them with.

i feel - pretty good.

i hear - shhh, it's a library.

i smell - books.

i search - as ever, for Peter Pan and...I mean,I search for ways to integrate movie quotes in my conversations.

i wonder - why thinking about things makes your insides react when, technically, they aren't involved.

i regret - stuff.

i love - lots of stuff!

i care - too little sometimes.

i always - make my bed.

i am not - as smart as I like to think I am.

i believe - I can touch the sky.

i dance - rarely and poorly.

i sing - along with instrumental music.

i don't always - say the right thing.

i write - silly stories and fanfics sometimes. What?!

i win - at MarioKart.

i lose - my brush a lot.

i never - lock myself out.

i listen - to techno remixes of video game music.

i can usually be found - in the library.

i'm scared - of camel hoppers.

i read - none of my textbooks.

i'm happy about - October.