Tuesday, November 18, 2008

For the Love of Three Oranges Orange Juice

Last Saturday I got up bright and early-ish and headed off to Kroger with my roommate to enjoy the promised (free) bounties of their grand re-opening. Also, I needed conditioner. I got lots of free food, and it was a tasty food too but it was all rather salty. Corned beef? Pasta sauce? Sea salt potato chips? You get the idea. So it was very exciting to see a nice middle-aged man at an orange juice station. "I love orange juice!" I said to myself and made a beeline for it.

"Hi!" I said brightly to this nice man in a Santa hat. He greeted me similarly, and, eying my snappy brown hat, said, "I like that hat. I like your style." "Well," I said very cheerily, "you have a very nice hat too."

At this point he just started looking at me and smiling while I stood waiting for him to pour that dratted orange juice. "Well I just like your style!" he enthused. "Um, thanks," I said. Give me the orange juice. "What's your name?" he asked, still beaming at me relentlessly. I tell him, hoping it will get me the orange juice faster. Although at this point I was very ready to go get the egg nog a few steps away.

"Well, Miss Julie, I just got to ask for your number!"


Give me the orange juice!

"I...don't think my boyfriend would appreciate that..."

"Probably not, I'm sure you've got two."

"At least!"

Finally he pours me the most measly amount of orange juice ever, wishes me a happy holiday then looks me up and down before his parting words: "Why...I...I just like how you walk, I like your style!"

Yeah, okay, sir, thanks for giving me a creepy thing to associate orange juice with.


  1. Here are the problems I have with this encounter:

    o His syntax is quite elementary and unoriginal.

    o He called you "Miss" in the same sentence as asking for your number.

    o His implication that you are a playa (having two boyfriends, although... I guess if you count BJ...).

    o His measly distribution of orange juice! Maybe if you had given him your number the amount given would have been more. But not worth it.

    But don't let this taint your enjoyment of orange juice. Sometimes nice things just have negative associations, but can still be nice. Like me and Gargoyles. Oh, and I liked that you had a handy (and accurate) excuse not to give him your digits though. Woot!

  2. Whoa, there were WAY more free samples for you guys than when I was there. I didn't see any corned beef or pasta sauce or sea salt potato chips. Maybe I should have woken up earlier.

    Also, I feel personally offended that the orange juice guy didn't hit on me. But I wasn't wearing a jaunty hat.

    Finally, if JM ever read this, he would complain that the title of the opera is incorrect. So consider yourself warned. :)

  3. Ferskner, you totally should have come with us! Control is a good person to get free samples with because if you miss one (or about 5 like I did), she's totally willing to go back with you so you can get some, even if it makes her late to her eye doctor's appointment.

    I too was not hit on by creepy Santa-hat-orange-juice man, but then I was occupied with actually buying orange juice instead of getting a sample. Or was it because I'm really a figment of the combined imaginations of Ferskner and Control? All that really exists of me is a cool nickname and my very own theme song. . . .

  4. Umm...gross. And doesn't it seem weird to be hitting on someone whilst wearing a Santa hat? What?

  5. hahahahahaha!! This made me laugh. See, you are loved by lots of people. I got hit on by a boy when I dropped off some stuff at Goodwill yesterday. You have to watch out for those big smiles boys give you. There is almost always a devious plot behind it. lol! Cheers to you for being a cutie. ;)