Monday, August 11, 2008

Everybody Loves Ponies!

In today's edition of The Blog, let me first take you back to a lovely place I call My Childhood. This place was populated with small versions of cooking utensils, The Last Unicorn, the library and a good smattering of G.I. Joes. In addition to those wonderful things, there were also My Little Ponies. I still have mine, safe in a box, and I still remember how traumatizing it was when my sister's friends put makeup on poor Heart Throb.

Some of you may have noticed that My Little Pony has come back, looking a little more slender of course. They're still cute but it's hard to beat good old Cotton Candy. (Incidentally, my sister still blames me for the fact that our Cotton Candy is tail-less.)
Cute, right? The following image is not cute. In fact, if you are prone to fainting spells or are shocked easily, you may want to avoid it.
That is not a My Little Pony. That is a "Struts" fashion pony (or Strutz, I've seen both). Apparently Playmates came up with the following equation: Girls like horses. Girls like fashion. Thus, girls like fashionista horses. I think the problems with these Struts are pretty obvious so I'm not going to go into it. I will say that my favorite snarky nickname for them is "Whorses."

And does anyone remember those weird looking Cabbage Patch ponies with the hair you could "style"? No?

So, this post may leave you feeling a little hopeless about the current state of Pony entertainment. Don't worry--I have a few remedies.

Dream Valley
: This site has the whole history of My Little Ponies, complete with all the names, pictures and collections through the years. This is how I discovered that my favorite pony, Bowtie, is actually called Ribbon.

Horseland: If you're like me, you probably don't travel with your MLP. But look! Now you can have virtual ponies! They may not be as candy-colored as MLP, but they still have pretty manes and look like real horses.

The Baby Unicorn, by Jean and Claude Marzollo, illustrated by R.J. Blake: My sister and I read this book countless times and we still argue about who actually owns the book (I do!). Unicorns! Dragons! And...that's about it. If you can find a copy, read it. Or come to my house and I will let you read it.

So there you have it--the past and current state of Pony entertainment. And here you were thinking I only blog about the important things.

(Also, I just want you all to know that in my younger days, I had super blonde hair. And it was awesome.)


  1. Oh, my. I think I remember commercials for those creepy cabbage patch ponies from way back, but I had suppressed that memory. Haha, "whorses" is an awesome nickname!

    Okay, I don't understand why girls are obsessed with ponies and horses in general, but I can accept it. (Why are girls obsessed with ponies? They're ugly!) I never understood My Little Pony, though. Yeah, those new whorses are hideous, but so were MLPs, with all their unnatural colors and those eyes.... *shudder*.

    Kate and I required absolutely no discussion to agree vehemently that if we have daughters there will not be creepy My Little Ponies in the house. Unless they're these ones:

  2. Wow, Control, just when I think I know you, you come up with something new to both horrify and inspire me. Whorses? Brava, Control, brava. *applauding slowly*

    My nieces loves MLP, which I think is great because she talks about her "Pohney" all the time and it cracks me up. Maybe you have to hear it. I'll get on that.

    I don't think I had too many MLPs, unfortunately, but I remember coveting them at Mervyn's (does anyone else remember when Mervyn's sold toys?). I doubt that my parents ever relented though...I think I probably held out for She-Ra stuff instead, since I'm maybe the only girl that didn't care about horses in any way (I just liked MLP because they were sparkly).

  3. I loved MLPs! In fact, if I looked I might even be able to find a few of them in the closet where we stuffed a lot of our childhood memories once we outgrew them. I remember brushing their long, silky tails. I also remember when the tails would get tangles in them and I would pull so hard on the brush that the tail would pop out. I was a neat little child, though, so I'd stick the tail back in and just keep on brushing and brushing and brushing. . . . *sigh.* While I'm home I'm totally going to check to see if we still have some! Thanks for the memory, Control!

  4. As a kid, I openly admit that MLPs were to be found aplenty in our house, and I always found them to be appealing toys. The Cabbage Patch ones look like un-cute knock-offs, but the "Strutz" are just hideous!!! What WERE they thinking, and can you imagine pitching such a grotesque creature to the toy companies?!? It's like Tyra Banks had her wicked way with MLPs and that is the terrifying offspring. Fierce, indeed. And what is the obsession these days of having sassy, overly-made-up toys with names that end with 'z'? I just don't get it.

    Whorses. Ha.

  5. Professor: Girls are obsessed with ponies because they're pretty and they can brush their hair. Isn't it obvious?

    Ferskner: My mission in life is find new things to horrify you with. I was never big on real horses, but MLP? Pretty!

    Marcue: You should find your Ponies and bring them back. We can sit in the living room and do their hair.

    Drew: Ooo, Struts do look like competitors on America's Next Top Horse Model. I would *love* to know how these were pitched to toy companies...I would like to pitch one at the designer's head.

  6. I love that post! That nasty, skinny, fashion pony scares me so!! Put it next to the Bratz dolls and our world is slowly coming to an end. Good stuff!