Day in the Life of a Zucchini

One morning the yard boys were mowing the lawn.  While they were out there they picked a zucchini from the garden.  It's not the most handsome zucchini.  The end is a bit, well, ugly and misshapen and weird.  But nevertheless it was treated with exceptional attention that day and enjoyed a variety of activities.

It played cars:

Took a nap:

Read some books:

And took another nap:

I didn't get pictures of everything unfortunately.  The zucchini got kisses, was frequently called a flamingo (...) and I was shown its mouth (...).  

I also must add that it was fed, or rather was nursed, and I DID take a picture of that....but I'm too nice to post it.

Bump It Up

One afternoon, back in my working days, I was driving home and I saw a person on a bike near me.  For some reason, when I saw this on this particular day, my brain went back to the scene in Return of the King when Sam says "Share the load" to Frodo.  And for some even more inexplicable reason, I looked at that biker and said to myself, "Share the road."  Then I started laughing my guts out at the thought of a bumper sticker with that slogan.  I crack myself up.

Well, that was like two and a half years ago, and about a year later I actually sat down and make just such a bumper sticker.  Then my brother suggested one with Frodo and "Get off the road!"  Which is also hilarious!  So I made that one too.  

So, just this past fall (if you're keeping track, this was like two years after my initial idea...I may not be fast but I do things eventually!), I finally ordered them as actual bumper stickers.  I don't know what I'll do with them, but I HAVE them and I feel pretty awesome about that.

Doppelganger

I have this really cute and smart nephew who is about 9 years older than Babycakes.  Boo Boo has a lot of hand-me-downs from this nephew's baby days and it is fun to compare the pictures.  Sometimes I try to recreate certain pictures of my nephew to make it extra fun, like this picture of him with my brother:

Here's our version:

Nailed it!

My Cousin Rachel: The Movie in my Head

I am currently reading Daphne du Maurier's My Cousin Rachel for the manyth time.  I love this book!  But I digress.  Sort of.  Anyway, for many years now I have had a movie cast in my head for this book.  It is not a practical sort of cast by any means, but I invariably picture the characters like so when I read it.

Philip: I have always dearly, dearly loved the idea of Ioan Gruffudd as Philip.  Maybe because he played another Philip (in Great Expectations) but mostly because in his younger days he was just perfect for the part!

(Also, remember how great Horatio Hornblower was?  Remember when A&E did awesome miniseries instead of a million reality shows ending with the word "wars"?)

As for Ambrose, I could never quite picture him for some reason.  Or maybe I never bothered to, since Philip was his doppelganger.  So hey, maybe Ioan Gruffudd could play him now that he's older!

(Even though he totally looks the same.  Did anyone else watch Ringer?  No? Just me?  Okay.)

As for Rachel, I always pictured Olivia de Havilland.  I'm not sure why, since I really only knew her from my one viewing of Gone with the Wind, but she just had the right look.  And here I must say my casting was spot on because I found out later she did play Rachel in the 1952 (so so) movie.  In fact, here she is as Rachel:

No imagination required!

As for Philip's godfather/guardian Nick Kendall, well, I cannot explain this, but here is who I have always pictured:

No, not Sandra Bullock, but Saul from While You Were Sleeping.  Not the actor, Jack Warden, but Saul.  I guess godfathers=Saul, always.  Sometimes I even read his dialogue with his voice, which is...interesting.

Here my casting kind of veers off the rails of feasibility, but they are great picks nonetheless!  Like Rainaldi:

Yes, the asylum owner in Beauty and the Beast.  Did you know he has a name?  It's Monsieur D'Arque.  Yuk yuk yuk. 

(I also sometimes picture the Vulture, from Spiderman, which makes...more...sense?

Or less.  Maybe less.)

And Seecombe, the faithful steward?  How about Edgar from The Aristocats:
 

In looks only of course!

Also, I imagine Louise like Suzanne from The Scarlet Pimpernel but alas, no picture was to be found.  You would think I might picture Louise from that movie, but I always liked Suzanne better.  So there!

Maybe one day when reality and time fold in on themselves it will be possible to make a movie with all of these players.  Until that day I will keep reading and writing rambling blogposts about it. 

(PS: It goes without saying that I heartily recommend this book to everyone, regardless of whether it is their taste or not [Sarah].  So read it [Marcue]!  And love it, as I love it.)

Crafts are for Babies! (pt. 1)

A few months ago, Drewbles and I were talking about the Care Bear Stare (never let it be said that we don't talk about the important things).  At that moment, it dawned on me that I had the PERFECT Care Bear tummy.  What better way, I thought, to harness the potential of my basketball-like figure than with a shirt that would make me look like a Care Bear?  

Well.  As it turns out, no one else has had this same idea because I couldn't find anything like that.  Ideally, this is what I wanted:

But I couldn't find anything close to that, so I put on my thinking cap again.  I had this pack of iron-on paper already so if I could find a pink maternity shirt then I could make my own!  You would think pink maternity shirts would be everywhere, but I had trouble finding the right one.  Eventually I happened upon one at Hobby Lobby (of COURSE) that was even on super sale (of COURSE--I mean, it was Hobby Lobby [I love you, Hobby Lobby!]).

So I made my awesome design in Photoshop, which took all of five minutes (all I did was find an image of the belly I wanted and then used the pen tool to recreate the shape at the size I wanted).  Then I got out my iron-on paper-in-waiting and printed it off.  "So close to finishing and it was so easy!" I crowed. 

Here's a funny thing: apparently unused sheets of iron-on paper don't really last for, oh, ten years.  Who would have thought?  I tried twice--there was no way that transfer was separating from the backing paper.  NO WAY. 

I'm pleased to say the story has a happy ending that goes like this: we went to Walmart and bought new paper.  I printed it off again, peeled off the backing in 30 seconds and finished my shirt at last!  On our vacation last week I broke it out for the first time:

(Why yes, I DID take these pictures in the hotel bathroom.  I hope you notice their fine 90s decor.)

Wearing the design on such an, ahem, rounded surface makes it kind of pucker around the edges, but I don't care because it's still so funny to me.  And before you ask, I picked Love-a-lot bear's design simply because that's the Care Bear I have.  

But yes, one person did ask if I'm having twins.  I can only hope the t-shirt led to that question and not my size...hmmmmm.

WHAT.

Back in the day, this blog was filled with a lot of rambling about movies--what was coming out, what did best over the weekend, etc. etc.  Even though it is a lot more sophisticated now, I think it is entirely appropriate to devote a whole post to this news: 

Van Helsing is being rebooted.  With Tom Cruise of all people!

Okay, so, Van Helsing and I have this thing where it is terrible and I love it.  I mean...it's really terrible.  So terrible I roll around on the floor laughing at how terrible it is.  I mean, really, everything is terrible.  How can Tom Cruise improve on this??  Even the poster is kind of ridiculous.

Okay, so maybe they'll turn it into, you know, a good movie or something.  And yet I don't know how I could love it anymore.  Too bad, so sad.

A Theory

I figured out why Tyra Banks is so weird--she's from The Capitol.  How else to explain the many different hairstyles, the jumpsuits and the general insanity of Modelland?  She probably thinks of ANTM as her own Hunger Games, in which she plays the role of Effie Trinket. 

 

 

And really, there's no other way to explain this:

Right?

(Gifs from here)

I'm not sure why this is so funny...

...but it is! *snort*

*rolls on the floor*

This is my new favorite thing: Disney Face Swap

Here is a little incentive to check it out...
(This is another one of my new favorite things. Teenage Mutant Ninja Noses! Bahahahaaa [sorry for the occasional F words])

Monday Mug

I saw this picture of Christina Aguilera on MSN today and it just cracks me up everytime I see it (check out the full "news" item here for another delightful picture).

Happy Monday!

Video Roll Call

Disclaimer: pretty much everything in this post has already been blogged about by almost every member of Drew's blogging family. So this post is for all two of my readers that are not related to him, hah.

Videos! Let's watch some funny ones.

First up, Drew's sister Elise came for a surprise visit last month and during the ensuing festivities we made this video. It was all her brainchild (and her editing job). Normally I would be running the other direction from doing this sort of thing, but heck, there must have been something in the water that day. Funtimes!



Next. Also during Elise's trip she introduced us to the next doozy. It's a dramatically read review of an intentionally silly and easy flash game called Press Space to Win (play it, it will take about 4 minutes). And wow, just wow. It's one of those things that makes me laugh so hard I can't control my face.



And for something totally different: FROGS! Well, A frog. I swear, one day I'm going to be this frog for Halloween. Probably the year after I'm Mama Odie.



Last but not least, just because I was listening to some Michael Jackson today and thinking fondly of Disney parks. Hooter!

Apes for the watching

I watched the trailer for the Rise of the Planet of the Apes movie today. It intrigues me, and it doesn't involve Paul Giamatti, which is a big bonus. Mostly it just made me think of the following classic moment from the The Simpsons. It's so funny that it even made my mom laugh uncontrollably. A mom! Laughing at the Simpsons! That's how you know it's really funny.

Giggle snort

This makes me laugh so hard I can't even control myself. Seriously, every time (every time!) I just dissolve in uncontrollable facial contortions from laughing so much.



Glenn Steves!

Sunday is for Funnies

There's an artist on dA that does some funny things. One funny thing she did recently is this:
It was a big hit and led to some altered versions by others. This is my favorite, for obvious reasons:
Hah! Everything is better with dinosaurs. Unfortunately I can't tell you who did this one, but whoever you are, I tip my hat to you, sir/madam/mademoiselle.

On a completely unrelated note, little Vera has just been a basket case for well over six months now. I thought it was because she picked up not one but two viruses in a pretty short amount of time last spring. And, yeah, that probably didn't help but months later she was still taking a ridiculous amount of time to boot up/shut down/open Firefox/open anything. Finally last week I had a little suspicion that maybe my antivirus software was the culprit. So Friday night it was in with the new (avast) and out with the old (symantec) and Vera has perked right up to her old delightful self. I would say symantec served me well, but remember those two viruses? Anyway, it's nice to see Vera happy again and it's nice to not be waiting half an hour for her to do anything. Huzzah.

Copycat

Here is a little information about my Mama (I say this in the British way). She bakes many a thing and bakes them quite well. Chocolate mayonnaise cake is one of my particular favorites (no no, the mayonnaise is not chocolate. It's just a chocolate cake with mayo to make it delectably moist). My very favorite thing is her rolls. I have fond memories of waking up early on Saturday mornings, pilfering some rolls from the kitchen and then reading fairy tales in my bed for a few hours. Obviously this was a while ago since I haven't woken up early naturally for years.

Anyway, her rolls are delicious. But. My Mama has a little problem sometimes with her baking: salt. Or rather, a lack of salt. I don't know how many times she has put rolls in the oven and then said "Oh my gosh, I forgot the salt!" (Then she promptly makes another batch. Such dedication to quality!) If you have ever had a bread product without salt, you know what a big difference it makes. They're totally edible, but they're also totally flavorless.

So, this year I've been attempting bread things. I made two batches of rolls all myself, but one of our first wedding presents was a breadmaker.
I'd never so much as touched a breadmaker before, and its intimidation was second only to the Kitchenaid. Or maybe the food processor. Anyway, last week I finally got myself some bread flour and stocked up on yeast. Then, I did it. It was easy, and I only got a little scared with the pan popped out of place and I had to fix it mid-kneading. It cooked away while we were at church and when we got home the first thing I did was open it up.

Since he is so strong and manly, I had the Mister pull it out of the pan. It looked ever so large and square and was quite crusty as well. Undaunted, I got the knife and I cut it open. I took a bite.

"No no no no no NOOOOOOOO!"

I forgot the salt.

These Eggs: They're Not Joanna's

A while ago I mentioned that the Mister and I are watching all the animated Disney movies in order. No, we're not done yet--it takes a while--but we are nearing the end with less than 10 to go. Once we are done I plan to write a big review of the whole thing since there are some that I'd not seen for years or not at all. Some were better than remembered, some were worse and some were just dull. But some things just can't wait until that post (Dumbo, anyone?).

Have you seen Rescuers Down Under recently? I always really liked this one (that Jake! So dashing.) but I hadn't seen it for quite some time. How did I forget how hilarious Joanna is?



She is hysterical. These days I look for any opportunity to start making Joanna noises and faces. It goes something like "Gahhhhrrrrrrablarhblarh." There is something else Joanna-related that makes me laugh heartily but to get it, first you have to hear this song:



Hopefully you did not get an eyeful of Alan Rickman's tight gold pants. Anyway, do you see where I'm going with all this?

Hah! It makes me laugh everytime (and comes courtesy of Makani). Oh, Joanna. Gahhhhrrrrrrablarhblarh.

That Tune: You Know It

Okay okay okay, I know my last post was Twilight-related, and I promise this won't last forever. It will, however, last until this weekend when I plan to give you all my thoughts on New Moon. Anyway, look at these Barbies:

I think they are awful. Especially Jacob's cut offs and water shoes. And Edward's sparkling plastic skin. BUT it is a rather dear wish of mine to do the following: Buy two tickets to New Moon at midnight. Buy all three of these dolls. Sit them in the chair beside me, complete with Barbie-sized popcorn and sodas--maybe even tiny movie tickets.

I don't know why this particular idea thrills me. Do I really want to be considered absurd by fellow movie goers? Then again, I'm sure some fans would love it and want to take pictures. Maybe I've just never outgrown the appeal of Barbie-sized items (okay, so maybe I still fawn over those miniature sleeping bags and tents at stores). Anyway, that's beside the point. And the point is that...I think doing this would be so very very funny. But since I already have my (Saturday) ticket and I have no Twilight dolls, it will never come to pass. Maybe for Eclipse...?

In a similar vein of things, Stephenie Meyer posted a big q&a and her website, and even though I only skimmed it, I got the feeling that she's a little burned out by the mania over her sparkly brainchild. I can only imagine that seeing things like this or this gets really old.

His Abs: Like a Muffin Pan

So, as you probably realized from my piece of genius "Bella Goes Grocery Shopping," I occasionally amuse myself by trying to write like Stephenie Meyer. I guess I just like the feeling that comes from writing overwrought, ridiculous descriptions and the cackling that follows (from me). My most recent efforts were for a writing contest sponsored by BYU's Daily Universe. The idea was to write, in 100 words or less, something to embody her style (described by them as "overearnest") although the entries didn't have to be Twilight related. You could submit three entries, and even though I think this was for BYU students, I entered anyway. No, I didn't win, but one of my sentences was picked for a "Favorite Sentence." So, here are my entries and you can try to figure out what that sentence was. Then you can check out the article and see if your guess was right (and read the winners).

Before school I spotted Edward's shiny Volvo as it whipped into the driveway. Sometimes that silver car reminded me of him--sleek, pale, fast, a model of aerodynamics. The hard, shiny exterior that was all softness on the inside. As Edward himself stepped out of the car with the lightness of a gazelle I tossed away the inadequate analogy. How could that dull piece of metal and leather compare to this living Adonis in my driveway? Metal was so pedestrian. Leather was just cow hides. Edward was flawless. A perfect sculpture made of some stone too beautiful for this world.*

Jacob. Just the thought of his name sent conflicting emotions running through me like rampant, untamed wildfire. On one hand, Jacob was my best friend. Comforting. Warm as the fading embers of a La Push campfire. He was perfectly selfless, willing to do almost anything I could ever ask. Then there was the other Jacob. That Jacob was strong, with abs like a muffin pan, arms as thick and muscled as a python and pectorals that looked like soft, fluffy pillows. Soft, fluffy pillows made of rocks. Soft, fluffy pillows that felt like iron under my hands, my cheek...**

Alice was the kind of girl that all other girls (except Rosalie, of course) were dying to be. Her heart-shaped face--the color of cold milk--was sweet, naive and, above all else, desperately and enchantingly beautiful. Her petite size only added to the illusion that she was as harmless as an exotic butterfly. But I knew that behind that delicate facade there was the power to truculently destroy any threat.*** I sometimes wondered if her wardrobe of designer peasant tops and couture ruffled skirts was a calculated move to trick any potential enemy into underestimating her.

The prizes for the top three involved tickets to New Moon. That would have been nice since I think the best way to see a Twilight movie involves freeness, but what the heck, I have a ticket anyway (I know, I know). I'll probably be breaking out the "Team Jacob" shirt again, but should I have the wherewithal for a new Twilight shirt, I would most definitely get this one. If you have the wherewithal, I would encourage you to buy one because it is awesome and then I would have cause to shake my fist at you and your wherewithal.

*This first entry was adapted from another little short story I wrote a month ago or so. You know that Edward vs. a Velociraptor poll that is still on the sidebar? Yeah, that's what it's about.

**Credit goes to Drew for the phrase "soft, fluffy pillows."

***Drew challenged me to use the word "truculent." He just loves those "Word of the Day" e-mails.

This Information: What Do I Do With It?

Sometimes I run across a quiz and I just can't resist finding out my results. And sometimes, the more random the quiz the more intrigued I am. How can one resist taking such a wholly irrelevant quiz like "How Sexy is Your Aura?" or "What Random Object Are You?"

I have a special place in my cold* heart for silly Twilight quizzes. I just can't resist finding out what I smell like to such a dreamboat as Edward Cullen.

*no pun intended. Of course.

This Link: I Like Everything About It

Extra bonus: if you look at some of the file names for the pictures, you can tell someone at the Telegraph website doesn't know much about Star Wars. It's called an Ewok!