Monday, August 02, 2004

Greetings, Earthlings

Well, here I am to impart all sorts of trivial information.

First, as some of you may know, Universal Studios is remaking Pride and Prejudice. For those of you who may of missed this, here's a rundown of the cast:
Judi Dench- Lady Catherine; Jena Malone- Lydia; Rosamund "Lady Harriet in Wives and Daughters and Double Agent Chick in Die Another Day" Pike- Jane; Tom "Osborn Hamley in Wives and Daughters" Hollander- Mr. Collins. Now for the real dirt: Donald Sutherland- Mr. Bennett; Matthew "Hareton in Wuthering Heights, I-was-his-first-fan" MacFadyen- Mr. Darcy and... Drumroll please: Kiera Knightley as Elizabeth Bennet.
There are so many things wrong here that I don't even know where to begin. First Rosamund Pike is like 10 years older than Kiera, and, not to mention, looks completely different from her. Donald Sutherland isn't even English AND he's Donald Sutherland. Third, Matthew MacFadyen. So good in Wuthering Heights but...there is one Mr. Darcy on the face of the earth and we all know who he is. And... KIERA KNIGHTLEY? What up with that people?
In short, I am boycotting this movie, purely on principle. OK, so I will see it, just for Wuthering Heights sake. But I won't be happy about it, dang it!

So, now for the box office rundown. Well, naturally The Village took the top spot at 50 mill. + My man Matt Damon colleted another 23, and The Manchurian Candidate did a respectable 20 mill. Now for the failures of the week. Catwoman in its second week, still made 2 million less than Spider-man 2, now open for a month. Still, the loser of the week (and the summer) is the ill-fated Thunderbirds. In its opening week it opened at the hot spot of #12, with 2.5 million! No surprise but a death knell for the careers of everyone involved.

Next. James Bond. Well, apparently the same screenwriter/s involved with Die Another Day is writing the next James Bond hijinks so I hope no actor is ever involved. Still, for some reason some actors are still interested so let's run down the options:
Hugh Jackman: good looking, good with accents, used to action flicks, right age. However, I feel Van Helsing has taught him his lesson about bad action flicks, and I hope he has the common sense to stay away from Bond.
Orlando Bloom: Pfffft.
Ioan Gruffudd: English (Welsh, but let's not get technical), right looks and could pull off action. He's a little too young, however, and isn't enough of a name. Too big of a risk for Bond.
Clive Owen: English, but not the right suave looks or attitude. He's good with cars for sure and he rocks in general. Bond? Not the right crayon in the box.

Eric Bana: Well, E! has said that he was in negotiations but Bana's camp has now said that's not so. Good thing for him, as lesser known actors can only take so many tanking movies (Hulk, anyone?) If he were still in the running, I would vote no. Looks, attitude...not right for Bond.
So who is right for Bond? I don't think there's an actor I dislike enough to put in the franchise, but if they were going to go for a younger look I would put Jude Law on the list. I don't think he'd ever do it and I think he has a weird face but you never know...

Well. Moving on. You know, back to movies, I have a small gripe. OK, why is that some people watch a semi-silly movie like The Princess Bride and then say something to the effect of "You couldn't jump on a horse like that. It'd buck you right off." ... OK, at what point did this movie become realistic enough that how Prince Humperdink jumped on the horse would matter? I mean, did they not notice the shrieking eels earlier? Seriously, people. Save your nitpicking for Star Wars.

Moving on again. In Harry Potter news, it was his birthday on Saturday. Also, the portkey-to-the-Quidditch-Cup scene was filmed recently. Robbie Coltrane (Hagrid) isn't sure how much longer he'll stay on as Hagrid. Do these people realize what the movies will lose if half the cast changes midway through the series? This isn't James Bond, people. These movies are seriously connected. Besides the fact that if, in scenario A, New Harry is better than Old Harry the reaction will be "Dang, movies 1-4 would be so much better with New Harry!" If, in scenario B, Old Harry stomps New Harry, people will mourn for decades that Old Harry didn't stick around. What would this add up to? Suckiness, my friends. Suckiness.

Other Harry Potter news? Ralph Fiennes is reportedly thisclose to getting the part of Voldemort. How do I feel about this? I really don't care as long as it's not Richard E. Grant (NOT Hugh Grant's brother, despite what kids on Mugglenet say).

In other news. I watched Sense and Sensibility and enjoyed it a good deal more than I remember. I remember thinking Alan Rickman was the ickiest man ever, but Alan Rickman is sweetbees. The only reason to ever watch Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. The whole Rickman/Winslet thing is still kind of weird, but whatever...

Well, that's about it from my side of the fence. Yeah, this blog was movie heavy, but that's what happens when I don't blog for three days. So apologies to all.

Keep on truckin.


  1. Well, you've come through splendidly, I must say that I feel much more able to meet the Borders crowd armed with this inside knowledge of movies. I know that might sound sarcastic, but I'm serious. They're vultures, and scallywags.

  2. I have a joke. Why did Michael Jackson go into Kmart? Because they were having a sale. In other news, I was thinking about posting something, but Frumix and hunkypokestatue have used up all the bandwidth of the whole internet with twin gargantuan posts. How can I be expected to post anything if there isn't anything else to talk about?